Understanding Relationships Through the Lens of Our Ego & Inner Child

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens." – Carl Jung

In our journey of self-discovery and healing, we often find ourselves re-evaluating past relationships and experiences. Recently, I embarked on a deeply personal journey to understand how my perception of relationships has been shaped by my own pain.

In a previous blog post, "Navigating Transactional Relationships in Healing Journeys," I explored an encounter with a beautiful man that turned I felt had turned transactional. At that time, I realised that while the connection felt meaningful and genuine to me, it might not have been perceived the same way by him. I questioned whether our experience had been real or merely a figment of my imagination.

I had been avoiding revisiting our messages, trying to disconnect. However, I was relying on a distorted memory that told a different story. It was during one of my recent evening meditation and journaling sessions that I felt an urge to read through our last words, this time with a fresh perspective.

As I read, I discovered that the experience had indeed been mutual and genuine. It wasn't that the connection wasn't real; rather, the timing wasn't right. I realised that he wasn't the only one who needed healing—I did too.

Reflecting on this, I understood that the lens through which I was remembering was trying to rationalise what had happened—to make it all make sense because so much of it didn’t to me. While I could feel his emotional overwhelm and was happy for him that he was choosing self-love, my inner child struggled with understanding why someone would completely walk away from such a beautiful connection, even as a friend. My protective ego was only too keen to surmise that either he had a surplus of these connections and for him, it was easy to replace, or that he hadn’t been really that interested in the first instance. This experience highlighted that I still had some work to do on my sense of self-worth, as him not being interested in me seemed the most logical explanation.

The inner child embodies our authentic self, encompassing our emotions, creativity, and vulnerabilities. It carries the essence of our childhood experiences, which are a tapestry of both joy and pain. Personally, I've recognised that my struggles with self-worth have deep roots in my early years. In this dynamic, my ego often steps in as a protective force, akin to a parent, striving to shield the inner child from perceived threats and emotional wounds. As with any well-meaning parent, the ego's wisdom is based on the accumulation of lifetime's of experiences, and when those experiences have been repetitive painful cycles, the ego is compelled to overprotect the inner child with self-limiting beliefs.

Healing involves integrating both of these parts of ourselves, acknowledging both role of the ego and inner child, and allowing the inner child to express needs and emotions without the ego's interference. By balancing these aspects, we can nurture our inner child while maintaining the protective functions of the ego, leading to a more authentic and fulfilled life.

Through journaling, I realised how life-changing this experience truly was. The gratitude I feel for this man has grown a thousand-fold for facilitating this huge life lesson.

This journey has taught me that we often judge situations, especially relationships, through the lens of our past pain. It's a natural human tendency to project our fears, insecurities, and unresolved issues onto new experiences. Our past experiences shape our beliefs and perceptions, influencing how we interpret the present.

As I continue on this journey, I am learning to embrace the shadows of my past while stepping into the light of self-awareness. By doing so, I hope to build more authentic and meaningful connections in the future.